The burgeoning literary haven that is Astoria, NY 

How far will you roam for literary-related excitement? 

Not far, what with all the literary excitement to be had on the Internet these days. Not one to be outdone by the buffalo, I will roam at least a little bit farther than they.

What are you working on? 

The third issue of a literary journal, Pindeldyboz, and the first of a five-book romance series entitled Amnesia. Also, just this past weekend I began a suspense novel that involves a serial killer inspired by Aesop's Fables and a female FBI agent who is desperate to catch this killer before he/she strikes again. I say he/she just to impart some element of suspense even though we all know that the serial killer has to be a man. The idea for the suspense novel came to me this weekend while I was in Florida working on my stunning tan. I was reading Tami Hoag’s Dust to Dust while being bitten by small insects that Southerners call no-see-ums. I thought up the following line: "There were three things that Jasmine found herself having to fend off: mosquitoes, men trying to pick her up, and the tiniest of insects that the locals called ‘no-see-ums,’ that bit the hell out of you. The easiest to thwart were the beach-combing bachelors. Although attracted by the firm body that her strict fitness regimen had produced and diligently maintained, her cold demeanor and dismissive replies to their opening lines quickly sent any would-be suitor onto the next bikini on a towel." The whole story is simply evolving from there.

What's your font? 

Janson SSi, 12pt. I use it for all of my personal writing and e-mail correspondence. It was cut by a Transylvanian named Nicholas Kis. I was cut by a doctor named Mario J. LiPera.

What font turns you on?

The Trevi Fountain.

Which do you enjoy more: having sex or reading about people having sex? 

The former: having sex. When I throw my head back and shut my eyes, too often I lose my place on the page, which really hurts the enjoyment of it all. 

What do you like to read aloud to the person lying post-coitally beside you?

Anything by ee cummings. I find it especially sexy to simply say the poet’s name very slowly, with a hand slowly pushing back through my hair. Oftentimes post-coitally will double as pre-coitally or a coital intermission when done with exceeding charm.

Is the proverbial stack of books beside your bed actually stacked there for that precise purpose?

Honestly they're the books I’ll choose from to read next. They do not serve any particular purpose – unlike the pile of old shirts piled on the chair I keep in the corner of my bedroom. Those shirts hide the video camera which secretly documents my each and every conquest.

If you could take to bed any author (living or dead), who would that author be?

Anais Nin. If any further explanation is required, we’re not going to be compatible. I can tell that right now.

If you could take to bed any fictional character, which character would that be?

It’s a toss up between the legendary nymphet, Lolita, and the child prostitute from the beginnings of Henry Miller’s Under the Roofs of Paris. We're talking about fictional characters and then a fictional liaison, correct? Otherwise, strike such lascivious behavior from the record. I’m an honest man. 

If you could sexually satisfy yourself with a book, which book would that be? 

A moist book, possessing a large-sized hollow. 

Which author do you most resemble, physically, emotionally, psychologically? 

John Grisham, master of the legal thriller. Find an author photo of John’s and look into his piercing eyes for at least two-and-one-half minutes. Don’t you just want him/me now?

Do you refuse to see the movie until you've read the book?

Yes, with two exceptions -- anything by L. Ron Hubbard or William Goldman 

Do you still remember the page number you folded over in Judy Blume's "Forever?"

No. I’m afraid I can’t say that I have read Fovever although I was always a huge fan of Superfudge which might explain my sometimes scatological sense of humor. Alliteration! How sexy.

Please submit both a good-sex sex sentence and a bad-sex sex sentence of your own composition. Please indicate which is which.

Good: "With the memories of five generations of slavery in his grip, he held her flaxen hair in his fist as he entered her from behind. He felt the different colors of their skin swirl together like the colors of paint that young miss Elizabeth would wash down the drain when she had finished a painting of the plantation. Only this blending was hotter and stickier and wetter than any old paint down the drain. Old Ben had never believed that the hot sex with a white woman would feel so sinfully delicious. Breaking Miss Elizabeth was suddenly everything that Old Ben had ever hoped for and dreamed of – and it was happening before his very eyes and within his very loins. He was suddenly sure that such release was the pinnacle of pleasure. ‘Forget those dreams of freedom, boy!’ he told himself as his hips ground into the soft, pale posterior of the softly moaning Elizabeth. ‘Your whole lifetime of servitude is worth this moment of mastery, and you know it!’" 

Bad: "The grass was sure to leave its mark on her behind, thought Elizabeth, with the heavy weight of her slave atop her, riding her. But how could she resist? The sweat from a hard day's work made her think things like hard and work and before she knew it she had lifted up her petticoat and was teasing the kitty like her mommy had repeatedly told her never to do. But what the golly. It was too late now. Now she should just forget about this worrying and put her mind to the good, hard fucking she was getting - for if ever father found out about this, it was sure to be her last." 

Do signed first editions arouse you inexplicably? 

Yes, although surprisingly only those signed in a male hand, despite my strident heterosexuality. 

Does "submitting" to literary journals/websites have its sexual side? 

Only when forced and called bitch, slave, or bourgeois by the editor.

What books have you read while entertaining the near-constant thought "Would I sleep with this writer?"

Anything and everything by the incredibly strong Neal Pollack. 

Do you wait for your partner to get up to use the bathroom before you write down the things he/she said to you while having sex or do you whip out the notebook while he/she is still panting in the bed beside you? 

I will always exercise the courtesy of waiting for my partner to excuse herself. I must mention, however, that when my mind picks up something I surely want to record I will repeat such a passage or line or moment in my head, sometimes aloud to myself, until I have an opportunity to put pen to paper. Partners who are aware of this will find it cute and excuse themselves, understanding the importance of my craft. 

Or do you keep a tape recorder beside the bed for just such a purpose?

No sir. I simply cannot stand the way my voice sounds to my own ears when replayed.