monroe's doctrine #3
B O O M E R S G O B U S T
BY JACK MONROE
a recent article in the USA Today claims "every 7 seconds, a baby boomer turns 50." oh the horror. that means the next 10-15 years are going to be full of boomers turning into nasty, cranky, irritable bitches otherwise known as old people.
there will be so many old people, many more than ever before as modern health science and the millions made from stock market boom '90's will allow them cheat death just so they can all go to the post office or bank at lunch time. they have all fucking day to run errands but they love to go when the tellers are lunching and as lunching workers line up to go nowhere fast.
as i enter my prime earnings years and approach my mid-life crisis . . . forget the porsche. automobile travel will slow nationwide by 15-20%. millions of old fucks en route to early bird specials will have revelations on just why it is perfectly fine to apply the brakes every 5 seconds when driving on a straight road with no cars in sight (except for poor bastards like me who will be stuck behind them).
florida will move to a town near you; in fact it already has if you have an 'assisted living facility' sprouting up behind a mall or in a quaint town. everyday will be like a dreaded visit to the grandparents' house except you can never leave. oh the horror.
other works by jack monroe
#1: too mad to be effective
#2: piercing irritation