WE ARE INDISCRIMINATELY
TRANSMITTED SEPTEMBER 4, 2002
To All Brave Souls:
After nearly two weeks of persistently posting nothing at all, Eyeshot.net is back in action!
Visitors who dare return will discover nearly everything they could ever want from a free online literary enterprise on the Internet: fiction, confessionals, unclassifiables, incomprehensibles, reconstituted IM transcripts, plagiarisms, assorted oddities, clever deviltries, and more often than not, inconsequential drivel . . . . You write it, we post -- as long as it’s not poetry; as long as we don’t reject it. We have no patience for poetry. There are better places for poetry. And we reject about one in 20 submissions. But you get the point. If you’re a writer, send us something. If you’re just a reader, we bet if you tried a little bit you could surely do better than most of the stuff currently available online. [CORRECTION: we accept one in 20 submissions. Oops.]
You ask why we’re sending this mass e-mail?
We respond thusly: we’re sending this mass e-mail to our list of more than 500 friends, family, and freaks we don’t know from Australia, New Zealand, Japan, England, Spain, Mexico, and even Canada, for a reason.
Regular visitors are familiar with THE EYESHOT LITERARY ESCORT SERVICE. Thus far the service has profiled & offered seven handsome, talented, occasionally geeky, and always perverted YOUNG MALE WRITERS. These writers have included Steve Delahoyde, FlakMag.com's James Norton, and Jonathan Ames, responding to a set of questions about the hot & humid zone where sex and literature meet and mack . . . . .
Now, thanks in part to clammering demand, we present an indiscriminate solicitation for FEMALE APPLICANTS TO THE LITERARY ESCORT SERVICE!!!
Since there are sooooooo many ferociously fine female writers abounding all foxy online, in the flesh too, we figured that, in lieu of soliciting specific individuals we know (many of whom we’ve also seen naked) we’d be better off if we asked the brave souls receiving this spam to get the word out . . . . Prospective participants would send a digital photo and a brief sample of their writing (links to pieces previously posted online and photos on hotornot.com [7.6 and up, please] are fine). They would send stuff to firstname.lastname@example.org. After quickly reviewing petitions for form and content, we would send a customized questionnaire, which would then be completed and returned by the future escort.
It’ll be easy, fun, and most of all, very very sexy. And guess what? Participants don’t even have to be single . . .
We realize that many recipients of this mass e-mail are neither writers nor women.
That’s ok -- if you forward this message to everyone you know, it will eventually find someone who meets the criteria.
If you have questions, please send them to email@example.com and we will answer them next week on the home page. OK?
Otherwise, we have some perfectly acceptable offerings coming up in the next few weeks including this piece featuring a cameo by Joseph Heller.
And please take a moment to buy Sweet Fancy Moses’ first printed journal, which includes several Eyeshot contributors.
And please take a moment to buy Amanda Filipacchi’s Vapor and Helen DeWitt’s The Last Samurai, two novels that have nothing to do with us beyond receiving our evangelicalian (if that's a word) praise.
That’s all we have to say for now.
If you’d like to be removed from this list, simply click "block sender."
[If you didn't receive message #5 above
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