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LAME TWAT WHO LIKES TO KARAOKE
WRITES A COUPLE OF PERSONAL ADS
BY DONNIE BOMAN
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Mom Thinks I'm a 10!

This unconventional, proactive twentysomething male is looking for a curious, enthusiastic female who loves to karaoke. I am a busy career man and dream of retiring to the Caribbean. If you are an irreverent female who has a boat, I want to meet you. A sense of humor is essential. Prostitutes need not respond.

No replies after one week.

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Mom Thinks I'm an 11!

This wild twentysomething male is looking for an interesting, successful, environmentally conscious female. If you are a friendly female who has a set of Lakers season tickets, I want to meet you. Love of karaoke is essential. Lunatics need not respond.

One reply from a member of The Grassroots Activists for the Wild Rockies Bioregion. She said she was in Montana and loved to karaoke. There are no basketball teams there, and that was more of a priority than karaoke this time. I didnít reply. No more replies during the week.

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Mom Thinks I'm a 12!

I am looking for an enthusiastically orgasmic female. I am a Jacques Cousteau wannabe and am kind to small kids & animals. If you are a stylish woman who has a certain je ne sait quois, I want to meet you. A sense of humor is essential. Lunatics need not respond.

Fifteen replies after one week. Most of them talked about the Cousteau part, but ALL of them had kids. One lady in Vermont said she likes to karaoke, even though I didnít mention it in this ad. I didnít write back to any of them.

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If You Think I'm Sexy!

I am a ruddy outdoorsman and Never miss the Rodeo on Sat. nite! If you are a bull-fightiní female who speaks in complex sentences and iambic pentameter, I want to meet you. Breasts are essential. Prostitutes are encouraged to respond, especially if they karaoke Rod Stewart songs.

Two replies after one week. One was a Shakespearean sonnet, and thatís it. The other one was from a lady who claimed to work in the "adult industry" and also loves the rodeo. I sent her the sonnet. She hasnít written back. I hope she likes to karaoke

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Karaoke King!

I am looking for any woman who will respond to this ad. I am a karaoke king & love to travel. I will drive to meet anyone as long as they LOVE to karaoke. Anyone who reads this is encouraged to respond (including lunatics and prostitutes looking for a home).

Thirty-three replies after one week. This one brought out the people who really want love from the internet. 2 of them were also women who replied to the Cousteau ad. Thirteen described themselves as full-figured who just Love-to-Go-Karaoke on the weekend. The best response was from the one self-described "lunatic" who wrote me a haiku. I sent her the sonnet. She sent it back to me. I don't know what to do about that.

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My Girl Wants To?

Party all the time! I am looking for any woman who can tell me where that line comes from. I love to karaoke to that song. Please respond.

One reply after one week, included below:

"I love to party all the time! And I love Eddie Murphy! All of his songs are good. I really like the one he did with Michael Jackson. I hope that you can go karaoke with me soon. Attached is a picture of me. Please write me back!"

attached picture:*i

I didn't write back.
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