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ANOTHER RECONSTITUTED IM TRANSCRIPT
BY CHRISTINE HAMM
*
Rudolph Guiliani: good evening

Rosie O'Donnell: you sound like a vampire

Rosie O'Donnell: how are you

Rudolph Guiliani: I want to suck your blood

Rudolph Guiliani: tired

Rudolph Guiliani: just got in from work

Rosie O'Donnell: don't you mean, vant?

Rudolph Guiliani: why arenít you out?

Rosie O'Donnell: hey, you're the party animal

Rudolph Guiliani: look, I tell you, you donít tell me, tough guy

Rosie O'Donnell: hee hee

Rudolph Guiliani: I am a party animal, dude

Rudolph Guiliani: where's the kegger?

Rosie O'Donnell: yeah, I was supposed to see a patient tonight, but she cancelled. I've been napping most of the eveinging

Rosie O'Donnell: inining

Rudolph Guiliani: very good

Rosie O'Donnell: cause I wasn't feeling so well

Rudolph Guiliani: i will be napping for the evening in a few

Rosie O'Donnell: but now I feel better.

Rudolph Guiliani: great

Rudolph Guiliani: time to go out then

Rosie O'Donnell: so what were you working on

Rudolph Guiliani: a commercial for the knicks

Rosie O'Donnell: and would you like to go to poetry reading on Sunday

Rosie O'Donnell: Knickers?

Rudolph Guiliani: I canít make it on Sunday

Rosie O'Donnell: ladies' or men's?

Rudolph Guiliani: I am working

Rudolph Guiliani: knicks, the basketball team

Rosie O'Donnell: fine, I didn't want you to come anyway

Rosie O'Donnell: I've got taller people to invite

Rudolph Guiliani: then why did you ask, smarty pants?

Rosie O'Donnell: do they wear knickers?

Rudolph Guiliani: they were bottom nude
Rosie O'Donnell: yes!!!

Rudolph Guiliani: mile wide penises everywhere

Rosie O'Donnell: I'm working on that poem I promised you

Rudolph Guiliani: how does it go?

Rosie O'Donnell: uh, I have a draft, it's very rough, but it goes something like:

"the man with the mile wide penis"

He puts his pants on, one leg at a time
it just takes longer.
At age ten he had a vision like
Joan of Arc
and an angel gave him a flaming sword
He was 12 when a woman first fainted at the sight of him
Sometimes he curses it and cries.
With great power
comes great responsibility.
etc, etc.

Rosie O'Donnell: That's it sort of . More about being attacked by women

Rudolph Guiliani: I wish it were true

Rosie O'Donnell: and being a saint

Rudolph Guiliani: i lost my virginity at age 17

Rosie O'Donnell: no you don't it's a sad poem

Rosie O'Donnell: what's wrong with losing your virginity at 17

Rudolph Guiliani: nothing, just took way too long to get rid of it

Rosie O'Donnell: that's not that old at all. A lot of guys I know lost it when they were 20 or so

Rudolph Guiliani: I hear ya, to me it took a long time

Rosie O'Donnell: I was 16 and a half. It was really miserable. I didn't like sex for a few years after that

Rudolph Guiliani: I guess your father was too rough with you that time

Rosie O'Donnell: loser

Rudolph Guiliani: thanks

Rosie O'Donnell: do you say thanks for everything?

Rudolph Guiliani: yes i do. i am polite

Rosie O'Donnell: so when people insult you you say thanks?

Rudolph Guiliani: always

Rudolph Guiliani: they've shown me a new side to myself

Rosie O'Donnell: hmmm. Interesting strategy

Rosie O'Donnell: so you busy all weekend?

Rosie O'Donnell: not that I care

Rudolph Guiliani: yeah, and all next week

Rudolph Guiliani: work's picked up

Rosie O'Donnell: I saw a roach the size of a small kitten today

Rudolph Guiliani: where?

Rosie O'Donnell: you're a male escort, aren't you

Rudolph Guiliani: No

Rudolph Guiliani: i'm a stud

Rosie O'Donnell: crawling into my dresser

Rosie O'Donnell: at first I thought it was a mouse

Rosie O'Donnell: but my cats were scared of it

Rudolph Guiliani: did it get into your panty drawer?

Rosie O'Donnell: I don't think so, why

Rudolph Guiliani: just curious

Rosie O'Donnell: what?

Rosie O'Donnell: would you be jealous?

Rudolph Guiliani: yes

Rudolph Guiliani: that's the ticket

Rosie O'Donnell: jealous of a roach

Rudolph Guiliani: never!

Rosie O'Donnell: see you do have self-esteem issues

Rudolph Guiliani: who doesnít?

Rosie O'Donnell: sometimes I see the roaches wearing my panties, but I never see them actually going into the drawer

Rosie O'Donnell: you're right everybody does

Rudolph Guiliani: great image in my head now

Rosie O'Donnell: they also wear my lipstick and eyeshadow

Rosie O'Donnell: occasionally dye their antennae purple

Rudolph Guiliani: mmmmmmmm

Rosie O'Donnell: play Eminem too loud so the neighbors stomp on the ceiling

Rosie O'Donnell: write bad roach poetry

Rosie O'Donnell: live in the seedy Roach motel on a tiny little 2nd Ave in my bathroom

Rudolph Guiliani: sounds fun

Rudolph Guiliani: lets do it

Rosie O'Donnell: huh

Rosie O'Donnell: do what

Rudolph Guiliani: all the things your roaches do

Rosie O'Donnell: I don't know, those roaches live fast and die young

Rosie O'Donnell: if I get my way

(**

***

UNRELATED SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Those who have Quicktime (and quick connections) may be interested in seeing a short video by Brian Doyle, who long ago put this photo project about Celebration, Florida on Eyeshot, and who has this short video called Current of ticker tape (from the Yankees' Fall 2000 victory parade) on fire (!), swirling around the WTC and other buildings downtown -- all of which, of course, eeriely presages events in the same area a year later.

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